Hiraeth

A sincere longing to return home, to a home which may only exist in distant memories of afternoon siestas and floral vineyards. 

"I just don't feel so good yaar Ayaan." Maaya sighed out loud as she sank into her bed, holding her phone in between her face and her right shoulder as she gathered the cushions with the left to fix a comfortable position to rest her head. Sifting around her cushions and stuff toys, made a slight rustle.
"What are you doing, there's a lot of noise I can hear." Ayaan asked, his peaceful evening walk back from the Gym had been interrupted by this chirpy new stranger. 
"Just setting into a comfy seat, just one moment" Maaya shifted her head, she wanted to get all comfy as she started her rant session. Her earrings clinked against her phone screen as she did, in the slippery grip of her shoulder against her tilted head. Finally she held her phone properly and continued her conversation.

"Now it's much better", Ayaan remarked as he slowly walked along the footpath. A not so busy road to his left and an orange sky of setting sun in the right. His external environment was all peace and calm. "Tell me now why do you feel so left out or discontent?" 

"Dunno" she pouts as she wonders what it is that plagues her thoughts. 

"Do you miss your family?" Ayaan asked, knowing she lived alone.

"Now that you ask, maybe, maybe I do miss my family." Maaya regarded her words with sincere thought, "but that's not it. I think I miss the simpler times of life" 

Like it rained today and I so badly wanted to run down the stairs and get drenched, like I used to as a kid. But I don't think I can do that anymore, atleast not while at work. 

Looking at the kids frolicking in the garden outside my office building I realised the contrast of life. As kids we thought grown ups have all the freedom, but as a grown up we are shackled in another set of rules which i don't think I wanna know who wrote. 

"I wanted to make a paper boat and set it sailing across the huge puddle caused by water logging in the parking lot, but being the grown up I am at present, I could not do that either. I patiently waited for the day to end and get home so I could do any of these activities." 

I think I miss the times when things were simpler, and even friendships were easier.
"Friendships are easy. You just find like minded people and vibe."
"It is effort"

"It is about the vibe"

"Well either which way, as kids it was easy. You became friends with the kids you had around." Maaya was getting exasperated. Ayaan listened to her with some thought before starting again,

"That is where the difference is. As a kid you had a limited number of people, fixed interactions within your vicinity. You worked on those connections with all your might. How many of your childhood friends do you meet every day?" Tell me

"Ummmm, .   . . not many to be honest. They have their own lives and we do love each other, but meeting is difficult. Some have moved cities others have started families. It's not easy" Maaya protested somewhat disheartenedly. She knew she did not have an answer to this. But with friends, especially needing a pick me up, there is no right or wrong answer. Ayaan was her safe space of introspection and consult. 
"As a grown up you get to choose your tribe, you get to pick who you want to give attention and how much. " Ayaan was sounding pretty right at this moment and this was annoying. 

"So i do not want to give any time to half the people around me, but I work with them. Why don't you come over here and manage my projects with me, that way I can be around you all the time" Maaya thought this was her Eureka moment. 
"No way man, I love my peace and quiet here in this little city. There is a reason why I chose to leave my city and move here. No way am I going back to the paced up chaos of big cities again. A stroll every now and then is good, but overall I like how relaxed everything here is." Ayaan could feel the evening breeze combing his hair as he stood on the side of the road, and heard birds returning home in the distance. "Plus I do not wish to deal with all the problematic people you tell me about. I am very much happy with my team with only fortnightly meets, that too over Zoom."
"Maybe I should also go somewhere calm like that and be a child for a while." Maaya was thinking out loud, more to herself than to Ayaan.
"Why don't you come over and meet me, it will be an outing for you, a meeting for us and you will get a break too."
"Sound like a plan, maybe around my birthday I will plan. That way there won't be much resistance" Maaya beamed. It was an impulsive decision, but somehow it did not feel that way at all. Ayaan had become a pillar of strength in her life through his silence and she too was a nice dash of everything spice in his otherwise way too calm and nice life. 

"Anyway, you do not sound too great either, what is with the silence?" Maaya enquired. 
"Nothing much, just had a few thoughts clouding my mind about life and . . . " Ayaan trailed off.
"And Loooovvvveeeee" Maaya teased. "You know how shitty the men are on dating apps? You are different, in a good way though" Maaya tried to make up for her generalized statement. "Someone asked me about my financials, another was a little too woke and liberal, too much jargon about depression, red flags and toxicity in general. It's like everyone is a psychoanalyst these days" Maaya puffed, blowing air onto her own face to move away her flix that covered the front of her face.

"And thank you for the validation, though I did not need any. But, just a counter statement, the grass is not as green for us men either. And there are a lot of Pshychos parading as psychoanalysts to be fair in both the genders. Or whatever the spectrum these days is. We have competition, no makeup or glam and expectations. On top of that we also get ghosted, lied to and cheated on. But I do agree, this woke culture of throwing fancy words around, and those stupid red flags, green flags, biege and what not. It is insane." Ayaan sighed loudly, the chaos inside of him was finally coming out. 
"Okay, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed I suppose" Maaya was getting a little cautious now, trying not to upset Ayaan. 
"You're smart, look cute, and so far I feel you are an amazing person to be with. Like if we were in the same city, and had not got along as such good friends, maybe, god knows, maybe?" Maaya shrugged her shoulders, as if she was talking to Ayaan in person. 
"It is funny how you share all those funny incidents and still choose to go out with such losers. You should consider a side hustle in standup comedy, given 90 percent of your dates turn out to be such disasters." Ayaan could not help himself but laugh thinking of how she had to bail out on her last date in 20 min. owing to the terrible table manners of the guy. They both laughed on thier failed dates and shared sorrows of unfulfilled dreams. And just like that Maaya did not long to be home as a child, nor did Ayaan feel his inner world of chaos to be in contrast with the outer calm around him. To grown ups, giggling on the phone like children, sharing philosophy on life were instantly HOME. Maaya did not need to hide her longing of wanting to run around like a child, with Ayaan. Ayaan did not need to hide his insecurities around Maaya. They were two very different individuals, with a true sense of respect and innocent adoration for one another. Let your weirdness shine bright, how else will your tribe find you?

Two strangers, in two different cities, miles apart, united by not their achievements, but acceptance of failures. Slowly but surely, they had learnt to trust one another and become a home for either one. Home is not always a place, some times you return home to a person too.