If looks mattered

If looks mattered

We often fail to see the beauty around us, and also within. Subscribing to the idea of beauty and validation, we do not know 

"Jiya, I don't feel so good re" Gayatri plopped herself on the bed, next to Jiya

"What happened?" Jiya looked at Gayatri through the mirror as she applied her face pack.[Sundays were selfcare days].

"Kuchh nahi, in general. I mean, I don't feel pretty-pretty", Jiya looked waywardly, picking up the cushions around her, and hugging them close to her chest.

"Rubbish aan, why would you say so?" Jiya protested with her compact brush in hand, that she used to spread the clay pack. "Who is the moron this time?" Phirse koi Tinder, Tumbler ka kabootar pakad li tum?" Waving her wand, she now moved her head from side to side in disagreement. 

"What do you mean?" Gayatri scruffed, turning red with embarassment, for she knew her friend had diagnosed the exact issue.

"Ae tu ban mat haan, I know it all. You fell for an unemotional moron who turned out to have shitty taste in women, and now you are placing your sense of self worth based on his terrible judgemnt" Jiya huffed. While she worked in corporate now, her applied psychology major always popped out in a protective stance for people she cared about. 

"Ummm. . . . Kind of. I mean he wasn't exactly a moron, you know. Bit mature, with the whole salt and pepper look. You know what I mean na" 

"And terrible sense of judgement to add to the list, ? " Jiya raised an eyebrow. "Meri jaan, Gayatri, tum apne naam se pura ulta kyun chalti ho? And what makes you think that a salt and peppar look warrants maturity. Mere gaon mei 15 saal k bachchon k bal safed hain, I had first greys on my head before I turned twenty." Jiya could'nt help herself from laughing

"Okay fine, but still. It isn't about that moron, but in general. Look at insta, look at fb, saala kisi ko bhi pyaar mil raha hai. Hum mein konse kaante lagey hain?" Gayatri chuckled.

"Behen, ek to social media wala pyaar chhod do, wo naatak tumse bhi na hone wale. Ek baat jaan lo, . . . . (Jiya looked at Gayatri with grave seriousness)Tum mei kami koi nahi hai, tum thodi extra ho. Dekho maarna but,. . . .. .  but. . . .. . "You got all the right junk in all the right places." (And the seriousness was replaced with vigour in a blink).

Gayatri slapped Jiya on the arm, as she playfully danced around with her silly moves.

"Then where did we go wrong?", Gayatri pouted, making a long face, with her bunny rabbit head band, flopping above her head. A new fetish she had picked up recently after watching 

"ye harqatein tumhari, koi bechara aaye to waise bhaga deyo tum"

Maine kya kiya? Main to masoom hu". Jiya pouted

"Bas yahi, yahi galat fehmi jo hai na tumhari, isse bahar aajao tum. Jab log interest le re hotey hain, tum andhi bani rehti ho. Pata hai kitne log martey hain?

"Koi saath jeene ki baat kare to baat hai, marne waale martey rahein, Sannu ki. (Gayatri turned to her giant fluffed panda for foced  approval, nodding it's head with her hands.)

"Haye ve, iss ladki ko akal kab ayegi? " Jiya exhaled, raising head to the skies, in a manner as if seeking answers from the divine sitting in the skies why she had to be friends with this particular specimen of human.

"You remember our good old college days? JMI ki cafetaria mei baith k sasti macaroni khaya kartey  the?"

"Haaye ve, uss zamaane mei kya lallu si thi main, par by god, confidence asmaan mei hota tha." Gayatri lit up in her eyes, memories of a carefree time dancing in her head.

"Ek to tum zamana kehna band karo, 4-5 saal mei koi zamaana nahi badal jata. Bewakuf. 

Aur ab jab maal ho gyi ho, tab tumhe validation chaiye un ladko ki jinhe ye b nahi pata k shampoo aur conditioner do alag chizein hoti hai." Now jiya and Gayatri both nodded in agreement, mouthing SALUD

"Ya so back then, remember bhot sare log udhar drawings bna re hotey the." Jiya asked 

Gayatri squinted her eyes pretending to recollect her thoughts, but,she had no memory of who all used to be around. She just loved sitting there with her friends, laughing about silly things while surrounded with art.It was a peaceful spot, in the heart of the campus and yet so far away, peaceful and eclectic in it's own ways. A whole different world, filled with sculptures, some complete, some unfinished, some broke, some left mid way as a way of expression. Each more eccentric, holding a story within, and telling a story without. Gayatri loved the artistic vibe, even though she was not an artist, an art enthusiast most definitely she was. Plus the spicy macaroni and tawa omelette at Chacha ki Chai was a good spot for snacking.

"Achha haan" Gayatri spoke after a pause weighed out pause, to seem to have recollected her thoughts. 

"Kakh vi yaad ni tum ko, bakwaas na karo humaare saamne" Jiya caught her lie. 

"Well, tum yaad reh gyin, Barkha yaad reh gyi, baki kyun yaad rakhna? Tum aagey batao, pet dard na karwao suspense se." Gayatri was rather impatient

"Wo log aksar tumhari tasveer bnaya karte the, jab tum aur Barkha, baith kar gyaan baant rahi hoti thi na, full on excitement mei, kafi saare art students baith kar tumhari ankho ko paper pe trace kar rahe hote the, seriousness se. You have sharp features, worthy of observation"

"Haaye ve" Gayatri imitated the screaming man. "Tumne bataya kyun nai kabhi?" (She was visibly reddening, her ears turning warm by the very thought of being the object of interest to an artistic eye)

"Lai, phir natural look koi aati?" Jiya explained. Patting her hand on the nearby pillowcase enthusiastically. She knew how conscious  Gayatri got, and did not want to spoil the moment, neither then, nor now.

We often think we know ourselves fully and seeing our face in the mirror we know how we might be percieved. Alas, that is one big misconception, for we do not know how we appear to the person who admires us for our flaws, who loves how the sunshine makes the eyes sparkle, nor do we knowhow brightly we shine when we explain a topic we are passionate about. Jiya had known Gayatri for close to a decade now, and their friendship had been cemented with each of these silly bouts of gender discourse, flowing through art culture and their miniscule history in the space time continuum shared together.

Enters Akshar, Jiya's long term beau who had now become a good friend to Gayatri too. Yaar tum log kya kya baatein karti rehti ho, 

koi sir pair hai in baaton ka? He looked at them both with utter confusion and complaint

"Mere kaddu-numa aadmi, tum nahi samjhogey. Is aurat ko college life se ab tak maine jhela hai." Jiya wrapped her arms around him, acting complacent, smiling ear to ear for she adored them both.

"Mujhe to tum pe taras aara hai Akshar, tumhe Jiya ko jhelna hai lifetime. Tumhare akal pe konse patthar padey the?"

"Dekho wo to mujhe bhi samjh nahi aaya, par tumhari pe jab padengey tab main puchhunga. Le lo single life ke mazey jab tak le sako"

The trio laughed through the evening before Gayatri left for Hyderabad, this was her last day in Bangalore before starting joining work in person. Work from home had ended and she had to get back.

Packing up her memories of time spent well with her friends and family, Gayatri went to Hyderbad to embark on her new chapter of life, joining workforce in a new city with a firm she had barely completed a month while working remotely, a thousand thoughts running through her mind. A fresh start had been her wish, at work and in life, and now that it was here, she had mixed feelings and excitement. For every new goodbye in our life, there is a hello somewhere else. In order to move forward, one has to leave something behind. Yet, some people make sure they hold on tight to what they cherish.  Gayatri was one of those only.

It's okay to look back, bur only to move forward stronger.

Continued in Part 2