The passing - Sometimes you don't have answers and friendships are all that keep you afloat

 The passing

It was strange weather, I couldn’t see clearly. Seemed like there was a lot of fog or smoke all around. I could see an ambulance in the distance and overlapped chatter about someone’s uncle crossing the rainbow. People around wore white and I knew none of them. A picture of the departed man was placed in a corner with floral garland around and incense sticks in the front as per Indian custom of final rites. The image was of a man probably in mid-forties but I could not recognize the face at all. The last thing I remembered before waking up was seeing an old acquaintance stand in front of me and cry. I knew her, Shweta Awasthi and I had been batchmates, I knew her face. But, unfortunately we had never been close enough for me to have known her crying face. No one did, everyone knew her as the girl with the girl next door kinda chirpy smile and happy aura. She was pretty famous amongst all of us boys, she was witty and funny, all the while being super adorable. I felt restless after waking up as that dream had left me feeling uneasy. I wanted to call up Shweta and check in with her, but it was too early in the day for calls. Besides, it was only a dream with no context. I asked my aunt casually as to what it even means to see someone’s death in a dream.

“Arey beta kehte hain uski umra badh jaati hai jiske bare mei tumne aise dekha ho”
“To mujhe meri umar badhti kyu nahi nazar aati ?”
“Bhakk, aise nahi kehte. Ja kaam kar apna kya subha subha fizool baatein leke baith gya tu subha subha”
I went on with my routine with workout and a short run, but some how could not shake away the constant dread that dream had left me with. Her pretty face, marred with tears and sore with pain of loss and abandonment. It happened often, somedays I woke up in a great mood for no reason thanks to my dreams, on others, let’s say I was grumpy. This was more of a droopy kinda day, where I could not shake off the sad feeling and decided to check in with Shweta anyhow.

“Hey Shweta, how’ve you been? All good?”
“Um, yeah. Just busy helping Mitthu my younger brother finish up with her summer break project. Anything urgent?”
“Naah, just called ainwai. Had a bad dream last night and was feeling uneasy. So I thought I’d call you. Anyway how’s everyone at home”
“Sab usual, good thing is dad’s reports are showing signs of improvement. He is recovering well. Maybe he can come back home soon” I could hear the relief in her voice.
I felt relieved hearing that. Her father had been struggling with leukemia for quite a few years now. In and out of treatment every few months.

“Chal sahi hia, phir to milte hain jald hi. You carry on with the holiday’s homework”
“Haan yaar, we’ll talk later. Bye”
“Bye”

I took a big sigh of relief. Maybe my aunt was right seeing someone cry and dreaming about death might have meant the opposite. Maybe it was just some sort of deep embedded fear or scene from some movie that ended up getting morphed in my head. I forgot all about it and went on with my life. Days went by, then weeks. It was close to mid-june. Probably the second Sunday, the group chat was filled in with the usual forwards when I read the important message Sonia had left on the group.
GUYS, ITS URGENT. SHWETA’S DAD PASSED AWAY TODAY EARLY MORNING.

It was tragic news and we all felt terrible for Shweta. It was decided our entire group of friends would visit to pay our respects. I decided to travel on my own, and asked Vansh for the location as I knew he was already there, being the one living closest to Shweta’s locality.
Reaching the house, I met Vansh. He guided towards the floor Shweta lived on. Entering the space, I lost footing for a solid minute. Everyone I saw there, the faces seemed familiar for no reason at all. Entering the house, I could see Shweta sitting in a corner, her innocent face red with tears that seemed unending. At the center of the gathering was her mother, and next to her on a stool was a picture of her father, whom I had never met in my life. A man who also seemed very familiar to look at, though we had never been introduced. I was drowned in a feeling of deja vu and I could not even tell anyone. It simply boggled me, and while I was screaming internally, the sadness all around silenced me. I looked at my friend, sitting in a corner, surrounded by near and dear ones while I just held her mother’s hand and somehow in that moment that sadness seemed to have connected us all as I too felt a tear roll down my face. Losing a parent can never be easy no matter the age, and the unfathomable pain this family had suffered.

I do not know what dreams mean, but going back home, this musical I had seen years ago, about Joseph and his coat of dreams came to life in my mind. We never know what the higher powers are guiding us to, but I surely don’t take my dreams lightly anymore.